take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
