So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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