Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Someone shattered a urinal.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize