Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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