thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
