they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
