I must be too annoying 4 u.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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