Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize