My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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