Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
