I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the liver wants what the liver wants
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My bed smells like the plague
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
