So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
