I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
