when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
