I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
