i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
