OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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