You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
