Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My feet surprised me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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