he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
