Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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