ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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