I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
