martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
