I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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