Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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