Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
