Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's shark week go big or go home
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
