Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
