I've blown a few things in my day
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
