the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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