Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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