i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
