We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
