if you like me you must not know who I am
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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