Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am available for nakedness
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
