I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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