Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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