Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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