i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
false alarm, still single
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
