Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
