I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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