Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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