we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
