When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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