i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
