how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
