When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i drank out of a bidet.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
