remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this boner is exhausting
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
