I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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