Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
