I think my fart just growled at me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
