im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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