I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
