I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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